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Last post of 2013.

New Year Resolution: Skinny jeans, fat wallet. JK. I don’t believe in new year resolutions - the new year, new me bs. There are things I want to work on though. It may take years. I want to work on my relationships – spiritual, friendships, love, and family. I want to read more, write more, pray more, meditate more, and overthink less. It's always more or less of something. I guess that's life's greatest hurdle... to want everything you already have, nothing more and nothing less.

Time for some relfection.

“The year of letting go, of understanding loss. Grace. Of the word ‘no’ and also being able to say ‘You are not kind’. The year of humanity/humility. When the whole world couldn’t get out of bed. Everyone I’ve met this year, says the same thing ‘You are so easy to be around, how do you do that?’. The year I broke open and dug out all the rot with own hands. The year I learnt small talk. And how to smile at strangers. The year I understood that I am my best when I reach out and ask ‘Do you want to be my friend?’. The year of sugar, everywhere. Softness. Sweetness. Honey honey. The year of being alone, and learning how much I like it. The year of hugging people I don’t know, because I want to know them. The year I made peace and love, right here.” – Warsan Shire 

Story of my life. 2013 was a rough year, but I’m going to pull out all the good that came out of it. I've learned this past year to truly love myself - to trust my instincts and decisions without doubt or hesitation. I've learned to forgive better - accept apologies I've never received and let go of the pain that blackened my heart. I've learned to open up myself more - let more people in than I drive out. This year, I've learned to simply live better. 

May the upcoming year bring more opportunities to chase dreams, achieve goals, and turn skeptics to believers. May the new year also bring light to your life. 

On a sidenote: Pardon my French, but class of 2014, bitches!! About darn time.

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Well, hello there. It's been a while. I've been writing. But in an actual journal. Tumblr (http://cultofhaven.tumblr.com) is easier to access, so I've been using that medium more.

The workload is already piling on, and I feel like I'm constantly under water. I feel out of breath, but not drowning... surprisingly. I've been missing people lately, but I crave alone time more. The past month feels like I've been constantly on the go... and have been surrounded by people, which has its perks. But it's quite... exhausting.

I just need a hard reset. Because... I’m doing it again. Filtering people in my life. Forcing people out. For all it’s worth, I am putting forth a lot of effort to keep the people I genuinely want in my life. But I’m not sure of myself. I'm not overthinking, but I feel too tired to even think. I just know... It takes two to sustain any kind of relationship. Some people just don’t try for me. And anyone who cannot at least try for me don’t deserve any or all of me.

I guess the little changes I've made caused people to forget or not know that I’m impossible. To keep. No one believes they take things for granted until the thing they took for granted is gone. And I usually don’t realize how many people take me for granted until I leave. Once I know it’s over or decide it’s over... I leave. I disappear. I don’t turn back. I’ve been known as the kind to move forward with or without people. It sounds sad and extreme, but it’s not. Life is too short to waste time on people who don’t impact your life, or make you doubt your worth. Even if you're busy, it doesn't take much to tell someone that you're busy. I've always done too much, and I don't want that for myself anymore. I want to feel the way I've made others feel - like they matter.

Enough with the chit chat, back to errands and books. Happy Sunday. Anon.