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So much to do, but I don't want to do any of it. So... I'm blogging.

Went to Sunday service today, per request of the mother. The sermon was actually applicable to life. It was enlightening.

After questioning what I am for years, I’ve come to this gray area. I just tread there. It is comfortable. Some Christians just claim the title, but their actions speak otherwise. I guess I didn’t want to be that, so I chose rather to tread in the gray. I wanted to believe in something, but bad things kept happening. And there was something in me that wanted to know how to honor my dad’s beliefs. I know it’s poor excuses, but it’s honest feelings.

There was a particular part of the sermon that really evoked... something inside me. 2 Corinthians: 6-14 & 15: "Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?... How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?" Most people would take that as Christians are absolutely supposed to not befriend non-Christians. They are supposed to be lights that shine in this dark world. Does that mean you can’t have a relationship with anyone that can improve your life just because they’re non-believers? The answer is no. Just don’t be in a relationship that gets in the way of your relationship with God.

From first hand experience, while in this gray area, I’ve been in relationship(s) that faith plays a huge role in the other’s life. I respected that. I’ve met the parents, whom are even more religious, and did not like me initially because I was a non-believer. Over a short period of time, they all fell in love with me. I didn’t get in their way of God, so it worked out.

This is applicable in all relationships – with neighbors, with acquaintances, with friends,… with anyone that you believe is important.

I don’t know why… I was thinking of love relationships because it made me wonder if I have lost chances of being with someone because that was a factor. Of course it’s easier to fall in love with someone with the same faith. But sometimes the heart just wants to run free. It usually ends up finding the one that makes it all worthwhile. What if that person is a non-believer? Do you just give up and have it haunt you? Some people do. Most people do. But if you’re a hopeless romantic like myself, I would take a leap of faith and see if it can work. We’ve been taught to share our faith. Why not share it with the one you want to be with? It’s all about approach.

How to share your faith? This thought put me in a daze for hours, but I would talk about how my life was before Christ, how my life changed by Christ, and how my life is in Christ. It’s simple as that. Just be sincere and honest. Come with good intentions. If you have faith in Him, it’ll work. It always works out.

For years, I’ve been told that I’m going to Hell because I’m a “lukewarm Christian.” To “fix” that, I’ve gotten faith shoved down my throat, but I still couldn’t swallow the words. They don’t question why. They don’t ask for details. They don’t care. It did nothing but deter me from building my relationship. I went to church today because it was the first time where I felt my mom really cared of what I’m going through instead of telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. I responded because I felt the sincerity of her words. Don't underestimate the power of words.

Another highlight is my encounter with a stranger. This older woman came over to me after service, and sat next to me and smiled at me. She then said to me, “You’re new here.” I asked, “Is it obvious?” She said, “No, but there is different about you, and I would remember if I see you.” I asked her to elaborate, and she began talking about how she can see auras and just told me things she feels when she saw me, and it’s been a while that she have felt that kind of presence. She then just shared some of the things. I’m a hard book to read, so I was impressed… and intrigued. We talked for a good half an hour. I had to run because I had a prior engagement, but we’re getting coffee next Sunday after service.

This going to take time and work, but I'm going to try. I think it's going to be good for me. 

Got to get back to work. Concluding this post with my all time favorite Bible verse: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. 

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In recovery mode. This past weekend, I was bed ridden. I forced myself to get things done, so I won’t fall behind. I didn’t get much done. I guess all the forces of the universe were trying to tell me that I needed a break, but I was to stubborn to listen. I spent most of the time sleeping, eating soup, drinking milk, reading, writing, meditating, watching foreign dramas, and watching sunsets on my balcony.

Anyhoo... have you ever been so sad that you can't even cry? You just sit there and think about how sad you are. I’ve been feeling sad more frequently lately. I’m not sure if it’s something new, or I’ve just allowed myself to feel sad instead of finding things to distract me from feeling anything. It’s not about anything in particular. I just feel like I haven’t given myself the time alone to let my emotions run wild. Be human. I feel like I don’t have time for anything. Life is that hectic right now.

This may sound crazy, but there is something beautiful in sadness. I find it more raw and real than happiness. Think about it. People cannot wait to show the world how happy they are, but how often do people truly show sadness? It’s something they reserve for people they let in. It’s something almost sacred. That’s beautiful.

Of course, I enjoy being happy, and I’m happy on most days. Not over the moon happy, but life is good... for the most part. What I'm trying to say is... don’t ever apologize for feeling sad. Feeling anything is a good thing.